One of the many challenging situations many of us face over the years is in how to handle the loss of a relationship. Rarely is it a mutual choice between both partners when a relationship ends. Learning to handle the changes that come about with the ending of a relationship can be one of complete pain and a time of trial or it can be one of joy, the choice is entirely up to you.
Yes, you heard me correctly, a breakup can be a truly joyous event in your life, regardless of how difficult it may seem to you at the time.
This is true no matter the circumstances of a breakup, be it from death of a partner, divorce or just a lack of connection with your partner. Even if it involves work, finances or child custody issues or a combination of all of the above.
The answer to this is in your perspective. Most people choose to see a breakup and all that goes with them as something “bad.” The reality is “this person you once cared for (or still do) is no longer an active part of your life and _____, ______ and ______ (fill in the blanks) are the results I have to face now.
I would like to present you with one of the core messages from “Conversations With God” by Neale Donald Walsch to illustrate how you can better understand how you can move through a breakup with a higher level of peace.
“You are the creator of your own reality, using the Three Tools of Creation: Thought, Word, and Action.”
What this mean is that consciously or unconsciously whatever situation you are facing is a result of what you are thinking, saying or doing. Yes, it becomes a matter of taking full responsibility for what you are facing, even when it seems to be fully the fault of another.
This is difficult for most of us to accept, especially in difficult times.
Until you are willing to accept responsibility for what you are facing you are not going to be able to move forward in your life.
Hint, you may not get this right away, it can take weeks, months or even years at times for you to grasp this concept fully, let alone embrace it in every situation you face.
Let me share a short story of what I faced and how I was able to move beyond the pain of a lost relationship I faced.
I had met my friend at the church I attend and we began to spend time together. It was a slow forming relationship due to some of the challenges she had and still was facing as a result of her previous marriage. Over the course of a few months the relationship deepened and we began to make plans to relocate together to be able to help with her father who had been recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. In the last couple of weeks before we were to leave she became more and more distant from me, rather than coming together as I felt should happen. I had a choice to make! I could go ahead and make the move with her and “try and make things work” or I could stay and let the relationship end. It was a difficult decision for sure, but in the end i choose to stay and she moved up to her father’s house.
It was painful, yet only for a short period of time as i was able to put this concept of thought, word and deed into action.
Once removed from the initial feelings of loss and frustration over how events transpired I was able to look at things from a different perspective.
Personally I find it helps to give yourself a short period of time to allow the feelings to release a bit. The time it takes will be different for each of us, but it does not have to become a long period of time. It can be as short as a day or up to a couple of weeks, any longer and you allow yourself to get caught up in suffering which will take on a life of its own as many of us have experienced in the past.
Once I was able to look objectively on the situation I was able to see the ending of the relationship as a “good” thing. In this case I am still in contact with my friend and have heard some of what I would have faced if I had moved with her and that helped me to know I made the best choice in ending that “form” of the relationship with her.
I was able to look at the positives in the relationship we had, the progress we both made while together and even the benefits of breaking up while still allowing the friendship to continue.
All too often we get caught up in what the form of a relationship is, be it marriage, long term relationship or even a friendship that we have certain expectations that when they are not met we choose to feel extended pain or even suffering when things end. And from this pain and suffering we create experiences that will “prove” why we are feeling the way we are.
Instead when living life from a more spiritual awareness we can instead choose thought, words and deeds that can create a positive experience even when facing difficult challenges in life such as the loss of a cherished relationship.
It all begins with a willingness to see things differently, to live from a higher state and to practice self-love no matter what’s going on in your life.
WordPress contact form by 123ContactForm